The Wonder of Vulnerability

I was driving down 45th Street the other day thinking about the people I care about. Not just the people I naturally care about but the ones I choose to care about. Not just the people I care about in general but the amount of which I choose to care. And, I was marvelling at the close connection of love and vulnerability. For each person in your life that you care about there is a natural baseline of love. You care about the person, which brings about a certain amount of vulnerability. However, what is amazing is that we generally can choose the amount of love and vulnerability we give. For example, I am an aunt and I naturally love my niece--it's human nature. However, the amount of love I give to her and the level of vulnerability in my heart I allow is my choice. I can choose to be an uninvolved, love her at the natural baseline kind of aunt OR I can choose to be as involved in her life as possible--which opens my heart to more love and vulnerability. Vulnerability-the risk of hurt for the sake of love. That's my definition. But what astounds me even more is the love we have for our friends or others in our lives. Family stirs a natural kind of baseline love that we choose to expound on or not to expound on. But friends? We are to love all people. Which offers a baseline of love for humanity and God's creation. However, once again, one can choose to increase love exponentially or leave it as is. It is amazing to me when we choose to open our hearts to love and vulnerability with people outside of our families when there is really nothing to be gained but the love of the other person, which is often accompanied by hurt because of the level of vulnerability that comes, inevitably, with love. It's such an amazing concept! I can hardly put it into words! I mean, what a priviledge for someone to choose to trust you with their heart--whether it be family, friends, or other. If there is ever anything a person guards about himself, it is his heart. And yet, when we open our hearts to loving others and expounding our love for others, the guard is let down. Sometimes there is hurt and it is painful. And this may sound naive or utopian but, truly, love is worth it all. I guess that's what they mean by "love hurts"--in every form--Agape, Phileo, and Eros.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! God bless you all. And Praise God for everything good and perfect! He is such a good God and I love Him!!

Buzzing Refridgerators and Sausage Biscuits

I forgot one important part of our hail storm night. So, Sam, after realizing that both of us have an addiction to thinking, suggested that we try not to think. She told me to blank my mind and not think about anything and that she would do the same. Okay...haha...yea right. And I told her so too but I still had to try it. So, we started on our non-thinking journey. Silence. We sat there for a few moments and then we shared what went through our heads. Sam said that she was thinking about not thinking and that the buzz of the refridgerator made her ponder the annoying noise. I, on the other hand, started off my non-thinking moments with "Hmmmmmmmmmmm..." This was my thought pattern in my head, "Hmmmmmmmmm...I wonder how long she wants this to take? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... Are we almost done? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....Sausage biscuit." Sausage biscuit?!?! I don't even LIKE sausage! Sam, let's do it again next time and see what random things pop into our heads again.

Pro-Life and Positively Lonely in a Hailstorm

"Ka-dunk! Ka-dunk! Thunk!" The hail hit my car like no other. I thought to myself as I drove down the very narrow (too narrow in a raging thunderstorm) road leading to the "big scary castle building" (as Sam likes to call it) at St. Greg's, "Good thing I have insurance." I pulled up to the building where Sam was going to come out and I saw her running through the lightning and hail like a warrior on a mission. The mission was to stay alive. And....she succeeded. We drove, in the pleasant, car-denting storm, to my apartment so that we could be idiots and stay up til 2 am instead of going to sleep like we should as responsible adults. As I neared my apartment, I thought it looked awfully dark and I realized...the electricity was out. Up we went on those steps to my apartment and I was very much reminded of another time we went up and down those stairs in the pouring rain...forever rain...that followed me on a 1500 mile trip. 'Twas a fun trip. Anyway, hello, talking about a Rabbit Trail. So, we entered my apartment and I knew my trusty roommate would have candles lit. I have to share my joke. After I got in my apartment and was safe and cozy I said, in reference to the storm, "What in the hail?" HAHAHAHA!! (Jamie, surely you can appreciate that one if no one else can. Remember our conversation on that phrase?) It was interesting because me, Sam, and my roommate just sat in the dark for a good hour, hour 1/2 and talked about one main issue: Obama and abortion. It was a very good conversation. A debate was occurring. Sam and I were on the same page (both VERY pro-life) and my roommate was on another. I said several things until I thought the debate might get decently heated and then I munched away on Nutella and saltines while listening to my cohort and opponent go at it. I get irritated and angry when such an important issue arises and someone is opposing me and I don't debate too rationally so it was probably good to let them have their time. :) Sam was much more kind and patient, while still taking a strong stance, than I would have been. I need to work on debating with kindness and patience... Anyway, so this sparked my in-depth talking mode in my soul...if you know me at all, this means that I am more than likely analyzing myself and others around me in a very dramatic, but possibly accurate, way. "Oh brother..." is probably what one would think of me if they could just see this mode of mine coming on. For when I get in this mode I start thinking and thinking and thinking and can't stop. Which in turn makes me talk, talk, talk, talk and I won't shut up. But, anyway, the electricity finally came back on and almost burned out my eyeballs. Sam decided she was going to sketch the Care Bear I bought for Elia. His/her name is actually "Share Bear". So, Sam was sketching this bear and I was talk, talk, talk, talk, talking and I was thinking as I went on and on and I realized something last night. I have always found it strange how very important my friends are to me. Not strange in a bad way. Strange in an unusual way. And it dawned on me: I, being de-parented, single, and somewhat alone (not alone in Christ, but in the human since of the word) find my support and my happiness in being the best friend I can be to my closest and dearest friends and hanging around them as much as possible. I realized this by talking to Bear-Sketcher (Hey, Sam, you are the cotton stuffing to my bear...) because I started out saying, "How is it that all my friends are so busy but I'm not?" Sam kindly said to me, "Carmen, you are busy...you just make time for your friends." And, it hit me. I leave a lot of time open for my friendships...for relationships in Christ...for they are what help me thrive. And, I realize, that is not a bad thing. Maybe it's good that I am a "loner" right now. First of all, to spend more time with Christ. Secondly, I am the friend that, when my closest friends call me to hang out, I usually can. And, while almost always being available can come across as loser-ish, it is not. Because sometimes people just need or want a friend to sit and talk with or just be around. And, it is so nice to be able to be that friend. So, from now on, I need to consider that a blessing and not a lack. Right, guys? Right. So, if you are feeling bored or lonely or something give me a call at 1-800-LOSER. Haha. Just kiddin'. 1-800-YOURBESTFRIEND/50 bucks a minute(another Jamie/me email joke...remember?). Haha. Just kiddin' again. Hey, Sam...you're the breast cancer awareness ribbon on my Yoplait yogurt cup. AND the cheer in my Cheerios. Whatdaya say to that?!?! Huh? HUH? So, to conclude this, I just want to say: I am so happy to have my friends. You are my God-given support in time of abundance and need and I appreciate all of you and I praise our Creator for bringing you into my life. Love you guys. And thanks for reading my incoherent story/analysis on life. :)

Scrabble and Tarantulasaurus Rex

I played a brutal game of Scrabble with Liz and Josh.

So serious...

"Jaded". Yep, that's a word. Mwahaha!

So, while we were playing, Mr. Tarantulasaurus Rex decided to make his debut in Josh and Liz's kitchen. Dude, seriously, that spider was gigantic! When Josh squished it, he said "orange pudding" came out of it. Gag. Eww...

Gotta Love BSMP :)

I took my camera to work one day about three weeks ago and came away with some interesting but commonplace (for BSMP) pictures. So, here we go. There might be a few that will leave you thinking, "What?" But, hey, that's what we do best at the good 'ol Marketplace, right? ;)

A normal but somewhat rare view on a fine Oklahoma BSMP Saturday mornin':

Suzie gives me this look quite often... Chuck is meandering around as usual making sure everything is a-okay. I think he has found that something is out of place here: my work ethic (seeing as how I am taking pictures instead of working...)

So, I was making sandwiches as usual. The main reason I took my camera to work was to take pics for our pal Jamie so I couldn't resist the following. Note to self: never use horseradish sauce to write on bread for it doesn't work.

This other bread creation was an accident but I thought it was totally stinkin' cool!! Bread art...what a concept! Look!! It's a heart made from Russian dressing. Made with love for our customers. Only at BSMP.

Bathroom break. I had to be dumb and take a picture in the mirror before getting back to work. I know. I'm weird. But, it seemed awfully creative at the time.

Meet Monica. She's just as weird as the rest of us... :)

Maybe even weirder. But, hey, that's a good thing, right?

Aww...Whitney. I love Whitney. Hey, Jamie, she got engaged! You may already know that but it's news worth repeating.

Suzie decided to stop looking at me like I am scum of the earth and joined in on the coolest camera mission ever.



And then she decided we should make sad faces that express how much we miss our friend in Austria. So, we did so. Starting and ending a sentence with "so" cannot be grammatically correct.

This is Tori saying, "Hi, Jamie." She really said it too. Ain't that sweet?

And here's Paula doing the same. I'm gonna put both pics on here cuz their both just really cute.

Galen. He's so funny. Oh, and Jamie, to your left is the OTHER Jamie who, no doubt, you will be confused with incessantly when it comes to which of your names Paula is calling.

Hey, do you know Amy? She's really nice.

And last, here's a picture of the million calorie cookies. They aren't mint chocolate chip or pumpkin chocolate but they're just as greasy and tasty. And you KNOW it. Ye-ah. A bit of down-home goodness right here!

Kristin...Enough Said

My cousin Kristin is creative, funny, very intelligent, and a graduate architect student at Yale University. All around, she's pretty impressive. To show you just a glimpse of how clever and creative she is, I have included the following picture. I was on Facebook and happened to notice that she changed her profile picture. I clicked on it and laughed out loud when I realized what it was. She's genius!! No doubt. Just look at it. Take it all in. This is my cousin in a nutshell.

Billy: The Early Years

I just went to see the movie Billy: The Early Years. It is the story of Billy Graham and his beginnings of becoming one of the greatest evangelists on earth. I went thinking, "This will be interesting. I love biographical things!" But, on my drive home, I found myself crying. I asked God, "What do you want me to do? How can I make a difference?" This movie really puts the weight of winning people to Christ on your shoulders as a Christian. Today, I put my bid in for a Nintendo Wii on ebay. Is that bad? Not necessarily. But after watching that movie tonight, I realize...the importance we put on stupid things. I rushed home from work early JUST to check the status of the Wii. I'm more excited about that than I have been about winning a co-worker or a friend to Christ! How does that happen? I am willing to spend hundreds of dollars on video games but I can't spend 30 minutes showing someone the love of Christ? What? For real? And yet we are so stuck in the rut of Americanized Christianity that we don't even stop to think, "If I don't open my lazy mouth and speak words of truth to this person, they might end up in hell, apart from the greatest love ever known--the love of--the Person of Jesus Christ." How is that okay?
God, precious, precious Savior! Help us! Help me! May I love with Your heart, oh God! Unless I do, I will not see the people who need You. I know I fail, but may I not be so self-centered as to focus on my failures. Imagine how much could be accomplished for Christ if we didn't focus on our failures--but instead we focused on the victory we have in Christ. Imagine that!
I feel like a huge hypocrite writing all this because I struggle SO much. But I want this to be my heart. I want to hunger for God with a burning passion and desire and I want to spread that to other people who need it as desperately as I do. I don't want this to be my whim this week. I want a heart change--I desire a heart change--I HAVE to have a heart change!!!!! Should I post this? I don't want to...I feel like maybe it's too personal...but someone might need to read this just as much as I need to.

Fireproof

If you liked Facing the Giants at all...like even just a little sliver of liking, you will definitely LOVE Fireproof! It has such a good message AND the acting is even a little more advanced than Facing the Giants. I cried...in the theater...right next to Melissa...and I couldn't help it. Tears just started freely gliding down my face as if King Kong were in my eyeballs and they were trying to get away from him. They didn't even ask my permission, they just started flowing. Let's just put it this way: I saw the movie Thursday night and I am hoping to go back again next week and see it again. Kinda pathetic but that's how much I liked it. And I am seriously buying it the first day it hits the shelves. I can't wait to own it. It's really good. I could watch it a lot. Okay, I think I have given this movie enough kudos. Now go watch it for yourself! Wait...I'm not done. Isn't it great that we now have movies with Christian themes in them? And not only Christian themes--these movies are solely BASED on Christianity and the importance of knowing Christ!!! I LOVE it! Yay!

Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Stefan William Pischedda

My brother is married! And with that marriage, I gained a sister-in-law, two nephews, and a niece. Cool stuff. Anyway...here are some pictures.

Stefan and Amy were crying which made Marcus tear up which in turn had him looking at me mouthing, "Why are they crying?" All I could do was laugh at the fact that everyone was crying. I mean, I teared up a little bit but for the most part, I was just smiling and laughing at them.

This is the car that Amy, Gabby, and I piled out of to walk down the aisle. In this picture, Stefan and Amy are being wisked away to the reception. It's a pretty cool old car--a 1938 Lincoln. Apparently, Amy saw the guy driving it one day and followed him until he stopped just to ask if they could use it for the wedding. Funny. :)

I don't have very many pictures of the actual wedding ceremony because I couldn't take them. I had someone else do it. I have more pictures of the reception, etc. Anyway, here are some pics of before the wedding.

So, I realize the next few of these photos are of Elia but I can't help it. She's so cute. Look at that face! And, on one of these pictures she looks like she's trying to sneak something. And on another one she is just lounging like she belongs on the steps of Stubblefield. So cute.

She looks so much like Liz in this

one:

She skinned her little nose. I don't know if you can see it or not but it's red. Cute but sad.

The only reason I included this post-wedding picture is because of the look on my aunt Edna's face. She is directly to the right of me and she is making such a goofy face. You can't really tell in this picture but when it is enlarged, it is pretty humorous. It is totally her personality. :)

Now for the reception.

Mr. and Mrs. Pischedda:

There is one picture I really wanted on here because it's cute. He's carrying her down the steps. But, it won't load. So, I will have to skip it. However, there are more random pictures below of the reception. We kinda made fools of ourselves but it was fun.

We all have cake on our mouths/faces if you can't tell. Marcus is picking his nose. Cute.

Crazy, crazy!!

I said this to Teffy and Amy: "I want a picture with each of you for my blog!"

So, I got one of each.

Teffy, being the sweet brother he is, grabbed my camera, started to take a picture of me alone, and said this: "Put this on your blog. You're a beautiful woman, Kermy." Aww... So, I will put my loner picture on here for my brother Teffy.

Not feelin' too beautiful in this pic but okay...thanks Teffs. :) Kermy wuvs Teffy. MOOOOOOOO!!!

Marcus and Pam.

Elia and Elizabeth.

The Mr.

Gina, who does this remind you of?

And the Mrs.

That's all for now. It was fun and very joyful. The only thing is that there were four very important people missing: Gina, Raphael, my mom, and my dad. It is accepted that our parents couldn't be there. Kind of impossible and quite frankly, the norm. But, I wish that Gina and Raphael could have come. They couldn't. But Teffy was okay with that. He understood. Love you Gina and Pel.